more band putdowns from the same thread

tool---never has blandness been so exonerated. it's like if st. elmo's served the best bread and butter in the city. if this is art it has a silent f. if this is modern day "head" music then i'm "heading" out the door. sobering nu-metal for spencer's shoppers.

the accused---trolls steal your stash and instead of smoking it--they shove the wholebag in the singer's mouth and make him sing. even the lyric sheet can help you in this no-man's land of gobbledy-gook. they had sweet "jams" though. and i mean 80's shorts--not music.

radiohead---if i wanted to hear horrible transmissions i'd get a police scanner and run it through a flanger. so far removed from music it doesn't even have charts--it has graphs.for people who like to seem smart but really watch scifi original movies and like them. it is alternative though--an alternative to good music.

mr. bungle--this is what it would be like if "gitarzan" joined a ska group and tried (keyword tried) to play frank zappa.monkeyfunk for buttsniffers and lifetime college students.ewwahahahahawful. turn your caps back around cleetuses.

melvins--mumblerahdorfuzzzlewipe. that is the lyric sheet for 20 melvins cd's. fro masters on a mission to kill eardrums with goop. slower than a 9-11 call and just as cheerful. they raise more of a racket than al capone and in the end--it's still syphillis in prison.

capitalist casualties--- a band best left to splits since they can't hold up over 20 minutes.(that's what she said) a band so dirty that when they came over to my house for a smoke break the cat's litter box said they smelled. our ears are the real casualties here. that and the soap//shampoo industry.

butthole surfers---are like an audio drug--but not something cool like lsd or weed---more like some stool softener or something to ease your sphincter's bleeding. it reminds me of the sound of being in the drunk tank while 5 dudes yell across the hall at each other and one guy pounds on the wall to get a guard's attention. and the singer is the guy drinking from the toilet in the day room and eating the bologna sammich you're too hungover to eat.

wookie leaf----stoned wastoids playing their lil' sisters casios and calling it cosmic. bah--little debbie's cosmic brownies are more out there than this lot. i've heard better lyrics on one of those pull string "the farmer says" toys. a duck says "they suck, quack quack".

monotonix---one trick ponies pushing anarchy (as long as it makes the guarantee). like a parade of amputees on fire and that's just the music--if you add the furry manatee like looks and disregard for razors--you're looking at a burt reynolds mustache stunt double troop of diamond smuggling monkeys. guess where the diamond is?

billy joel---evenchristie brinkley wasn't impressed w/ his halston dress. and he looks like someone shaved the flying monkey and clipped it's wings off. he is the audio equivalent of watching a whole season of "bosom buddies" or "give me a break"---and has just as much significance. he should be a muppet forever singing "we didn't start the fire".....IN HELL!

sex pistols---they sound like licking an ashtray tastes--and not just some smokes--like pall malls or winstons. i've seen better teeth on rakes and chuck berry called--he wanted his riffs back (and his watching people poop videos). they are trendsetters though----in the realm of talentless suck they are pioneers. anarchi$$$t$. steve jones solo and p.i.l. are too lame for even big lots cut out bins. further proof hair dye is as important as hooks.

baby opaque--a band that someone read about on the rosetta stone. they broke up so m. dean could start up another band no one heard of (bomb). he should join crackpipe wisconsin so justin and hayden would double the amount of fans these obscure p.o.s.'s had. bomb was better but that's like saying one tree in the forest fell better than another one while no one was around.

mannheim steamroller---a band so lame that if they were on a pbs telethon people would cancel their charity checks. granny jams that grannys don't even like. music for x-mas shopping or teeth drilling. even if they rented a soul it wouldn't help them at all. like a whole bottle of nyquil was shot into your brain and you could only sleep and puke.

the clash----punk rock godfathers? maybe but the only orphan they raised was big audio dynamite. should have shoved that one back in the hole, eh? the only pile of shit i've seen as big as sandinista is gary, indiana. i blame them for rancid and a bunch of really bad singer songwriter junk that is about as punk as richards nixon. now that i think about it--their teeth were more gnarly than the pistols---back to the army navy store with you wankers---sherif was right not to like it.

the shitty beach boys (beach boys cover band on youtube)--if covering songs that are so white they make edgar winter put on shades is your cup of urine sample-- then these are your boys. i've heard better sounds come from a wood chipper.

hot water music---the singer sounds like a gazelle that is being eaten. and i'd bet even the farts the lion makes after is whiny. why does the word melodic mean "whining" and why would i want to read a loser's journal--let along hear a song made out of it. it hurts my head like a kid that ain't related to me yelling at the store. except i don't want to beat h.w.m.--i just want to lock it in the closet and make it cry more.