yes, it is true--i am one of the ancient lumberpirates from the old tales. i have a minature vampire troll as my first mate on me adventures axing things and whatnot. i hold no salt to you and your modern ways--except for computers and p.a. systems--those are cool....and record players maybe...and comic books.
oingo boingo--a band as dumb as it's name. take a short bus of band nerds, mix with sexless humor and stir into movie music that is only listenable off your meds. danny elfman is the joker and johnny rotten's buttbaby and sounds like an orangutang having a climax. now you couldn't pry him off tim burton's tip. derply-doo-doo. crumbsuckers---more like the dumb suckas. every cliché of 80's dudes in one band. hair guy skin guy--we can't all rock together! and these morons proved it. gruff yelling about how water is wet and fire is hot. turned into pro-pain and if that isn't dumb--you're truly living life of dreams. billy ray cyrus--hard to think of a diss I could insult the man who whelped young miley into the world with. mullet powered one hit line dance blunder. he screams Wal-Mart so loud I almost think he's from china .if some gave all in real life he'd have been a friendly fire victim before his sperm made the swim. yee-----naw.
Michael McDonald---you don't know me but i ain't your brother. the silver fox of yacht rock although he'd make a better anchor. mumbleyjumbley whiteboy soul, i have no idea what he is usually talking about outside of one or two words in a song---sorta like punk rock and just as damn ig'nant. francis scott key---the first karaoke artist. the Elton john of 1812 recycling "candle in the wind" to whatever war he wasn't fighting. the dickhead who makes me stand just because he wrote a poem and jacked some music--what an asshole. o' say--can you shut up? black recluse---should go back and hide, because they totally bite. they seem mad because no one understands but I think even they don't. you hardly ever hear singing like this, except at every single show you go to. yeah...zzzzzzzzzz betty blowtorch---I can see the dumb flame tattoos now....... so powerfully generic it staggers the mind how even sheeple could go for this by the number dookery. makes the donnas seem cool......no, no it doesn't. it's like getting excited about going to mcdonald's mr. clit and the pink cigarettes----it's like riding all the rides at a carnival that make you puke-- at the same time. the musical equivalent of an updated 3's company and just as wanted. it's bad when a Theremin is comforting to your ears. melted rainbow sherbet being licked out of your armpit. Atlanta rhythm section---I am so not into this half ass near beer of southern rock. it's like their amps have a snooze setting--they have a record called champagne jam but it's more like that nasty ass grape juice in a wine bottle your mom got you for your NYE slumber party when you were 12. a band of your 70's uncles.
when you're a weirdo, usually after all the years and crap you have taken, you just wear it well. and some days you just wanna yell "why am i such a fucking weirdo"?!?
either way--not much is changing. it's just a harder path than buying in "seems" to be.
notice the quotation marks?
it's because i've never successfully done it.
much like religion it is a topic i continuously deal with and yet don't deal with at all.
it spins around in my head like a top on a kitchen table--the most exciting thing it does is fall off the table.
when you're younger you do everything you can to get noticed until you realize the cops have noticed.
jail sucks when you're 15 and gets no better as you age, let me reassure you.
then you try to fade back into the woodwork where you can do what you need to without the world noticing.
for me around 30 i realized--this is me, i'm not gonna quit rocking out or reading comics, or being an angry s.o.b. that is not taking shit from the world.
i mean you can say that when you're 16 but how many of your high school pals still go to shows?
did you stay life long friends with your jail//rehab pals? do you still have your tapes?
most of my friends do.
a track for an upcoming gizmos tribute cd called gizmo nation. giving some props to some hoosier pioneers of punk. proud to plays keys in a good band that keeps getting better and are 4 of my best friends!! also next month apr. 27th the ORDER OF THE BLACK HAND reunites to bring you down--this is "to the black hand true" from 2010.
yep, it can all piss off into the wasteland it came from. sick of even the things that make me happy. what is the fucking point of any of it, ever? don't tell me to cheer up--just shut up so i don't come at you. in summary---fuck off.
me and my homeslice travel troll go all over the country scoping this n that. of course we like weirdo stuff and having a laugh at other's expense--whaddya think we were helping mother theresa out?? sheesh. you can call him t.t. but i call him MASTER!!MASTER!! MASTER!!
belligerent bendajos--a lunchbox of rock, buddig meat--some kool-aid and a twinky. like the music suicidal tendencies w would make if they were from plainfield instead of cali. thrashy crossover like a sourpatch kid mixed with a chocolate now and later mixed with a zagnut. yeah, you shouldn't do that but it's either that orfree i.p.s. lunch.
dave and rae--yuppie house band for restaurants i don't go to or the patio on the nights i never went there. so lame they can't even put cover songs on their website. not much there to even hate really, it's like hating cake donuts or something.
u2--verily i sayeth to thee--thee most pretentous of all. makes mother theresa seem apathetic--more causes than facebook and your aunt nancy combined. i wish the potato famine was still going on every time boner opens his cock holsters. any note you hear from edge's guitar was struck back in 97 and is just now coming from the delay pedal. rattle my nuts and hum!
deezen--if this is garage rock then shut the door and turn on the buick. music for people to eat boogers and sniff farts too---the musical equivalent of getting andy capp cheese fries instead of hot fries.if piggy from lord of the flies cloned himself 5 times it would be deezen.
off balance--for 2 years i thought the name of every single song was either indianapolis hardcore or represent. music to knock your grandma's teeth out with .a bunch of football players wearing basketball jerseys and shorts and makes as much sense. will probably try to fight me for this but when they do i'll just say "isn't that freddie madball" and point and run off when they look .got a tattoo of brass knuckles on their knuckles and a tupac rag and a can of sparks.
spin doctors--if you wanna call them lame--well go ahead now. and if you want to listen to them--then you're dumb as fuck now. it's mealy mouthed hippy crap like this that really gets me hacking on sacks.too lame to be hippys and too white to be funk--i mean yeah, that is like saying i'd rather die of hepatitis b than c. stupid hat and sox and sandals are required. brains are not. apostle of solitude---their songs are longer than sarah jessica parker's face. imagine if tony iommi was on thorazine instead of weed now slow that down. now mix in a solo that would make wino check his pocketwatch. they recently got some new members that make them real contenders--yep, heavyweights! they are currently touring freight terminals near you!
lil' 'wayne--probably the ugliest muhfugga i have ever seen. the only words i can make out are money and money. has the i killed a guy tattoo but you know his studio ass ain't killed nothing but some eardrums and a gallon of robitussin. i feel sorry for kids but sorrier for me--cause i have to live with the dumbfucks that like this shit.
pantera (down, superjoint ritual etc. etc.) anything with noddy mcsmackhead is gonna suck. some say dimebag lucked out before he had to rejoin asselmo again. look at the cover of metal magic and tell me how all of a sudden they turned into camo rebel flag confederates--i know, it's because they are dumb as fuck. meathead rock for the jocks who called you gay for liking misfits but if noddo says it's okay they get the tattoos.it's not thrash and it's not good.
hatebreed---they are so generic their albums should be white with "hardcore" stenciled on them. it's like if you took (what little) soul sick of it all had completely out and were left with just the formula.plus if you are a vj on mtv-- just shut the fuck up.
giraffe eating lions--the only band in town that are sponsored by a helmet company. short bus hymns played by people who got kicked out of jerry's kids.kinda jesus lizardy but even more mumbledy.they play a lot because they can't do anything else but collect disability and chase shiny things. corky's favorite band and they did the soundtrack to" bill" and "bill on his own" starring mickey rooney. a---gooooo.
motorhead---wart's up? old hippies change drugs and make with the bigbang whallop. chuck berry on roids over and over and over. another band in the "we made the same record for 20 years" gang. they brag about being loud which is okay until you have to wait for the chorus to know what song they are playing. at least i know no matter how low i ever sink--at least i am not someone who had sex with lemmy.
i have moved--went on 3 little tours with 3 bands and been home steading like a mug! i have been writing for some other fine folks and blogs//zines//and comics you should check out if you like music//art//and d.i.y. from real people. . i also take a wad of pics but putting them on here kinda sucks. now to the blogs what'd have me! making naptown proud! now make some music or do some art or write a review yourself!!
first off ms. kelsey simpson writer and "producer" of the positive artichoke. a d.i.y. zine about the naptown scene and general funnery and madness--try one they are free! also she is a fine sister/band mate and homey 4 lyfe!
and the mighty mr. brian roe and his rsquared studios. an amazing artist//writer//reviewer and most importantly a dude! besides letting me review stuff he is batting 1000%! a true renaissance man in our 15 minute world.
wow, either you really give a crap or you're a stalker. either way i win. cause your here already. not much to know about you wouldn't know after spending 5 minutes with me. so get off the computer and let's hang out. i like laughing//sex//reading//rocking. everything else is wasting time to get to those 4 anyway.
ride your bike--"do it" as much as you can--enjoy what you have and don't get caught up in expectations--gripe for a minute and go fix your problems---buy me a beer.