Thursday, November 19, 2009

haterade served piping hot!!!!!

rush---hockey pucks with their balls in vices. have progressed beyond progression and had to get back to their roots--which i guess were skewering who/zep songs? helium highs team up with robotic drumming and cop punching guitar to steal ayn rand lyrics and make with the boring. music for guys who actually make money from selling weed.

go-go's----like totally, fer shure, gag me with something you bought at top kapi or claires!! vacation rock for people whose brains are stuck in 1982. tried to sneak in as punk rock but were really cutesy pop. everything the've done since has betrayed them--except belinda's tummy tuck. that actually helped her get in playboy!! girl power, huh?jane weidlin should punish her.....on dvd.

bad brains---a band that shoots itself in the foot every time. made a few classics and then let their mouthpiece ruin it all. mumbletymouth rasta punk that is as intelligible as the guy i have to talk about my mortgage with. supposedly awesome live but manage to always come to our town with some bullshitty singer because h.r. can't be cool. they don't even own their own band name.smoke another, brudda!

dead boys---the rocket from the tomb rip off that started a million dead boys rip offs. people say they don't get enough credit but i say not enough blame---everytime i see a guylinered chump spitting on the stage. they put the punk in punk rock for better or worse (worse). the corn in cleveland's brown.they are probably yankees fans.

insane clown posse----possibly the only rappers worse than eminem. serious dookie mixed with 12 year old humor. but even they (and ameobas) are smarter than their fans. honestly, the dumbest subculture to rear it's funny head in many a day. music for backyard wrasslers and meth heads and faygo salesmen only.and dropouts who will probably come back and shoot up the school. and they bury their babies in styrofoam coolers.

master p===uh what uh what ho phenanena.beeper rock for 90's suburban kids to wig out to.the beginning of dumb bling bling cd covers and crunk type rhyming. saying master p is a pioneer is like saying michael jordan was a good baseball player. misleading and ultimately false.dude's name is percy.fucking percy.

gates of slumber---frank frazetta sang molly hatchet songs with st vitus and a guy in prison drew it. music destined to be a pin up in easy rider or iron horse. rhinoceros jams for elephants who think sabbath are speed metal.music for wood tables and people who eat grendel's arm.even hagar was not this horrible.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

mr negative review is back and he's pissed!

triumph---the non-thinking man's rush. light shows for burnouts and canoodling canucks. a power trio with no power and that 1981 helium voice. your uncle probably has it on 8 track--ask him about when they opened for molly hatchet. if the old geez can remember that far back. the musical equivalent of your freshman year.

depeche mode---uber sissies who mixed simon with speak and spell before discovering guy liner and black dye. boohoo clove smoking jams for beret wearers. music that drags you down with it to a world of sweaty leather and poofery. burn your self w/cigarettes electro mixed with obligatory "cutting" edge dance/art/poo. dudes only like this stuff to get laid unless they hate themselves. personal buttplugs.
people are people but douches are douches, sissypants.

toby keith--flagburningwafflehousefordtruckearfuck perpetrated by a fake country dickslap.
any way you look at him your intelligence is insulted. makes 'full house' seem like shakespeare. i don't know how anybody could be this dumb and it makes me sad. everything that is wrong about the 'country" star making machine. i don't know who this music is for and i never want to. run away before they lynch you.


danzig---mogul midget who rules the dark side of beavis with an iron fist. the music sounds like a pool no one has cleaned in a year--all green/black sludge w/ mosquitos in it. he wants to be scary and is about as successful as "new coke" was. to the mainstream he's a one hit wonder (mother). to the northside kings he's a one punch wonder. to me he's macaroni w/ too much cheese. dirty whack bummer.

sloppy seconds--slobby seconds. the pawn shop surfer guy teams up with the guys who would tell on you for smoking pot. so ugly and old they almost make the dockers pretty. somehow they dumb up the ramones which is equivalent to making the cubs choke more. psychotronic toy collector rock for people who jerk off to the bugaloos and electra woman and dyna-girl.
kids like it, but kids are dumb.

green day--chip toothed booger eaters bring formula pop punk to the masses. catchy jerk off ditties about how hard being 19 is by 40 year old dudes. anything past dookie is exactly that. i blame them for making mall punk ok. and that's all they will ever be, just ok. OXYCUTE 'EM.

ted nugent--everytime he opens his mouth a turd falls out. america's great white hunter has been getting over on 2 songs from 1976 and a loin cloth. hairy and scary jerk even teamed up with styxranger for dam yankees--unforgivable by itself. tag him and stuff him for the hall of shame.guess where he's from? more monkey turds from shitsville.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

old thought of the day stuff from indy hardcore board

i would like to see a smart car's brain after being hit by a rig.

girl was so skinny when i put my dick in her she gained 2 dress sizes.

you lead by example--not by bitching until someone does it so you'll shut the fuck up.

i want to make a door sign that says "if you don't know me--don't knock".

i want to ticket handicapped people for parking in regular spaces.

funerals aren't good foreplay"

"you never have to say "be careful" to your straight edge friends"


"there's never a better time than never"

i had a reason to give a fuck but i already gave it away.

you can tell the emperor he has no clothes but you'll still be a peasant and he'll still be emperor

a moral victory is a lonely place, sometimes.

you can fight fate, you just never know if you've won or lost.

i want a mask of the kid from mask.

i saw someone slobbing on a popsicle and i thought what a waste....i don't stick my dick in frozen hot pockets.

one of the worst things about growing up is when you stop pretending to have fun and start pretending to care.

i was rockin dana dane with fame
when your ass was still learning to write your name.

if god won't even forgive satan (who was his dude),
what makes you think he'll forgive your sorry ass?

don't flip off bikers unless you're packing.

not for all the beers at cheers.

the worst part of being cynical is being right all the time and hating it.

you know when passive aggressive people attack you that you've already won without counter attacking.

i wish i could trick myself into having faith in something.

chivalry is sugar coated sexism.

it's easy to be a lone wolf when you're a black sheep.

some people are catholic, some root for the cubs.
it's a safe way to get your s+m on.

"make no mistake mom and dad, i am a son of a bitch"

chopping off dicks is a pedo-cure.

so here's my band's next show. i'll get back to requests tonight, my fiends.